My peace is not up for discussion,
nor is it a bargaining chip for devils.
To understand this, you need to know me,
and that to this – there will always be levels.
Level 1: Boundaries are a necessity and a way of life – and I drew my line in the sand a long time ago to rid myself of pain and strife. Respectable distances make us friends, you and me. Neglectable instances can drive a wedge between us, can’t you see? I’m only trying to show you the right way to avoid the wrong things, peace is to be held on to as a treasure for what it brings.
Level 2: Time is of the essence and the basis of any engagement in human lives. But one wrong quip of the tongue can cut short the communication and its ties as if it were made with knives. Time is also to be cherished, for one spends this precious commodity with those they care. It isn’t a trivial thing that we seem to dish out like pamphlets on sidewalks, it’s a stock we share.
Level 3: Loving yourself is managing the things that cause you joy and peace. Become entangled with it and your smile will never cease. Moments caught up in the space you create to live out the love of your life and enjoy the feeling – shouldn’t be the top of your existence but they should break through the heights of that glass ceiling.
My peace glows like the sun and is a a thing of beauty,
there is nothing lovelier than it’s healing rays.
My peace sits deep within me in the most trying times,
there I find it beneath an emotional tide on the hardest days.
Like waves rushing over the shore of my mind,
I am refreshed,
they bring me treasures that are left behind,
and there I am at my best.
~~~~~~
I never quite know how to end poems that have some length to them. I just have to shut my brain off creative mode so that it ends. It’s weird but if I didn’t, I’d go on forever. The above poem is a thing I tasked myself with doing after having a nice lengthy conversation with my counselor today. It was an awesome conversation in which we discussed boundaries and the guarding of my peace. It gets hard sometimes. Really hard, especially with people who are strong personalities. I don’t know if they don’t realize what they are doing or that they do and don’t care.
But I needed a word today and I got that. He’s new to me and I to him. We got off on the right foot and our first impressions of each other were pretty great. I think that’s awesome. I mentioned before that the place I receive mental health services from has a high turnover rate with it’s counselors. Sometimes they move to better positions within the company and sometimes they just leave altogether in search of a place where they are a better fit. It happens… a lot. But I feel like my new counselor will be easy to work with.
One of the things that was kinda funny and awesome is that he let me know right away that he has boundaries but would like to know the things that he really needs to know. He won’t pry but does want me to feel comfortable enough to discuss matters or issues pertaining to my mental health as they arise. Cool. I like that. It gets a lil tiring having to go into detail with each new counselor about my life, ya know? So I stopped doing it. And I won’t unless I’m invited into that discussion. I don’t think it would be fair to him if I just… unloaded my history onto him like that. Nobody really wants another person’s baggage unless it’s their profession. And while it is his profession, I just figure I’ll tread lightly on that.
Not trying to scare the young man off or drive him to drinking or anything. Lol
But yeah, it’s been a day of conversations and taking care of business (<– I hate that this is the spelling for this word, just looks wrong). Ahem, BIDNESS (<– I like this better) has been taken care of.
I told you guys I would let you see the artwork and stuff I’ve been working on so I will do that.
First up, my very first painting after oh… 20 sumn’odd years.
I drew her and painted her…but she looks like I asked to borrow some money, like the attitude that comes off this canvas is something else. Ms. Mamas did NOT appreciate my bringing her into the world so late at night but you know what they say (on the innernetz anyway), “3 AM is the hour of writers, painters, poets, musicians, silence seekers, overthinkers and creative people. We know who you are. We can see your light on. Keep on keeping on.”
The second painting I worked on was of a snowy landscape, I wanted to make mountains in the background but didn’t figure out how to do that until after the fact. Yes, I watched Bob Ross for a few techniques.
Fan brushes are awesome tools. I used two brushes for this painting. A small painter’s brush (like the kind you’d use in house painting) for the background and a small fan brush for the scenery and moon. Which, makes me think Picasso’s famous Starry Nights might have used a similar technique…did I stumble upon something?! 😮😮
The background was meant to look more like a galaxy but my colors were to dark and drowned out the lighter values. I think it looks cool though. I mean, it’s my art, I have to like it, LOL
So I got my family in on the act…. and every Sunday we have Zoom Paint and Sip Parties.. where we all grab our materials and beverage of choice then paint while we talk to each other on Zoom and at the end we post our artwork to the family chat if we don’t finish in time. Zoom is a little wishy washy with the time thing. In one of the sessions we were able to have an extended time and with other sessions they just gave us the 40 min time allotment and I would just have to start another meeting. We have close to 10 people in our sessions so I don’t see why we can’t get more time. But whatevs…
Third painting – I saw my inspiration piece on Pinterest and then drew it as best I could into my sketchbook then traced from the sketchbook to the canvas. It was the easiest way I could think to do it without having to do it all over again. You can kinda see my mom’s painting behind mine. 
Then.. because all girls are Queens that need reminding of the need to straighten their crowns… and the power in their walk, we have this…which came from a pain and sip board on Pinterest and again, I just drew it in my sketchbook then transferred it to the canvas. With this painting, I may still tweak the crown so that it doesn’t blend into the background…I like the gold that it’s outlined in. Kind of thinking about using silver since the gems have a silver backing. Decisions, decisions.
Last but not least….
A sketch of something I’m working on. I also found this as an inspiration piece on Pinterest. And I loved it enough to torture myself by drawing it for myself. It comes from a book cover.
I fell in love instantly when I saw this image and wanted to do something of my own with it. When I found it on Pinterest there was a quote attached to it. The person who said it was unnamed but I think it not only speaks to the game of Chess but also to life..
“When the game is over, the king and pawn go into the same box.”
We’re all pawns in the game until we make a power move that promotes to something bigger. In the game, pawns are the only piece that can become something else.
Remember that.
Looking at the image… I hadn’t even noticed the other pieces sitting in the fog in the background until now.
My vision for what I want to do with the drawing is coming together and I’ll be sure to post the finished product here. I only hope I can do it some justice.
Also, there’s a dream I need to sketch or at least write down… it was so vivid. I still remember it, there was an actor who’s in a little hot water right now in it, then me and my sister, and JESUS! Yes, I dreamt of – (for maybe the fifth time in my life that I can remember) – Jesus. It was awesome and there was an alignment of all the planets too. I saw it all and man… I thought it was real. I woke up disappointed to find that I had been sleeping. Lol
That picture of the chess piece is gonna take some time to work with. I don’t want it to feel like work. I want it to feel just as relaxing as it has been. The painting and drawing have been excellent for the management of my anxiety. It’s damn near non-existent when my mind is preoccupied with other things. And I love that. Also, there has been a lot of poetry writing. I’m in shock myself. I thought the poetry decided to take a vacation but I latched onto one line of text from something I read and the words just came and came… then other words in different poems formed and I’ve been enjoying productivity. Long poems too…
This is all fine and good, but I got a novel that needs my attention, like now! But every time I think about it… I get soooo overwhelmed and I hate that. I just want to get it done and not treat like a burden. It’s not a burden, it’s my baby that has some issues that need to be addressed. and I want to address them, get them resolved and move on to the next phase of novel writing which is… getting it into book form. I need a plan and then I need to stick to that plan.
I had a friend tell me that as far as publishing goes, 2021 was going to be my year, Lol. I believe him… It can be my year of YES if I get my shit together. There’s no reason why that can’t happen. I just need to go step by step. Instead of seeing the big picture right now. The big picture gives me anxiety and it makes me want to leave it where it is but I can’t do that.
Wicked Games needs a shelf to be on, even if it’s just mine. I want to breathe life into her, she deserves that much. One thing at a time… she’s (the book) the priority. We’ll worry about formatting and covers later, right now – revisions.
So… off I go to make these things happen. I hope everyone is having a good night and that you all had a great day. Friday is just a sleep away. I know that means all the difference for some people… the weekend has saved lives, mine included. We all need those days to refresh, rest, and recuperate.
I feel good today and I hope you all feel the same.
Be good humans! ❤
but it’s definitely back!
