Darkness has a rhythm, it’s low and bold bass
and seductive sax
it’s deep and throaty hums that build
to a climax.
Night is sultry and negates the light
of the facts
losing our grip on what would normally
keep us in tact.
Truth lingers around every corner waiting
for its moment in the sun.
Ready to shout loud and free at the sins
the dark committed when night is done.
The dance of tongue and lips as they craft the false
prophecies of the next day.
Seem to slip deeper beneath our skin in a rash that
won’t go away.
Eyes flutter open to see what the mind wrought
and what the body has done.
No more dark night to shield us from the
consequences yet to come.
No more drinking of the poison
we soaked our minds in.
No more distorting the truth
and making lies our closest friend.
No more dousing the light to
hide in shadow and shade.
This is where we’ll lie, because
this is where our bed was made.
Daylight strikes our eyes and floods them with pain –
and tears fall like a torrent of evening summer rain.
It’s a chain reaction that sets us down this particular
less traveled path.
Where we’re forced to sum it up to experiences
we never had, we were never any good at math.
Something in the prophecy rang true –
while the light exposes your desires –
the dark seeks to lose you.
~~~~
Laughter today, has given me a set of abs that I didn’t have before. I can feel them, I know they are there hiding behind all the biscuit dough I call a stomach just aching to get out and noticed. I’m glad I have friends that are goofballs like I am. I don’t know what I would do without them. Life gets so serious and it just wreaks havoc on my mental. So glad for the downtime I have with them. It was one of the things I unofficially resolved to do this year… to be myself unapologetically. I tend to be this guarded and overly careful person around people. I censor myself quite a bit and that shouldn’t be. Not with people you call your friends, so I’m working on that.
As it happens, I am and will be making some lifestyle choices regarding mental health and physical health.
I met with a nutritionist and dietitian today via Zoom and we discussed some methods that actually work regarding weight loss and healthy habits. Which is cool, because most of this stuff I already knew – just hadn’t been doing. I have set some reasonable attainable goals for myself and will be working on them, starting today.
-waking earlier in the day for movement and exercise
-cutting down on soda
-some meal prep (don’t know if this’ll work but I’ll give it a chance)
-managing my stress and discussion about the meds I’m on that may be contributing to weight gain
-and the sweet tooth needs help (I am a cake and candy person so I need to change this or at least cu back)
I already have a high water intake so I’m good there. I can do this. I have stopped smoking successfully which was no east feat and have limited my alcohol in take significantly over the last 5 years. I feel like I can do this. My next appointment is in May so between now and then I have 15 pounds to lose. I’ll start little by little. I’m not even gonna dip off into negativity which will just undo everything. I can do this.
I also need to to stop staying up till 3 and 4 in the morning, it’s killing me when I have to get up. I always put myself back to sleep because of how tired I am. So I have some changes to make.
Mental health-wise, I’m going to get back into journaling and letter writing. I used to write letters to God and for whatever reason, I stopped. I want to get back to that. Writing in a journal and to him helped me release so much of my stress. It felt good saying what I needed to say in those two ways. The letter writing to God was essentially prayer, just us talking to each other and me gaining understanding about what he wants from me and what I need from him and also, strengthening my relationship with him.
My emotional well being hinges on my mental health. A bad day is a bad day… but if I can find ways to deal with those days and pull on everything I’ve learned in therapy then I’ll be alright.
Feeling Wheels aside… there are days that I am unable to pinpoint how I’m feeling – it’s always between two extremes…which I guess isn’t bad but not being able to put to words how I’m doing is annoying sometimes.
Like, I’m happy today but a few days ago… I think looking back at it now, I was experiencing melancholy. The whole day was off and I was kicking myself over the things I was thinking and the memories that just kinda washed over me… I was overthinking very simple things. It was a hard day. And I hate days like that because they don’t just go away, I really have to work at it.
It really has proven to be a great outlet for me and my family as well. I asked them what they thought about our excursions into the art world and the things they had to say made me so happy. They were glad to do it, it relaxed them, and it helped them focus and tap into their creativity.
I highly suggest anyone who might be reading, try out some form of art for the sake of relaxation. I want to try different things, not just painting and drawing but get back into crafting and sculpting. It’s all therapeutic. It really is. It seems like the messier it is, the better I feel. And the act of cleaning up is just like washing all the stress away, setting order to your life if you need it, or adding a bit of random chaos to liven things up.
Nothing is perfect and I think art is the perfect embodiment of that. My best friend and I have watch parties in the evening with stuff that we like watching and seeing. Lately we’ve been watching The Joy of Painting With Bob Ross on his own channel (518) on PlutoTV. It’s a free app with OnDemand and Live TV options, everything from shows to movies to documentaries…anything tv has, PlutoTV has and did I mention… it’s FREE!
This blog isn’t being sponsored by PlutoTV or anything but I’m just letting you know, it’s a pretty awesome alternative to satellite and cable AND they are constantly adding more channels. I guarantee you, you’ll find something you like watching. But back to what I was saying… we’ve been watching Bob paint on there the last few nights and our commentary during the show is hilarious. We saw Bob’s evolution from when he was slightly younger to a much more seasoned Bob… but let me tell you, young Bob had swagger and that’s all I got to say about that. LOL
So Bob said something regarding painting and art in general. He said not to fear messing up – it happens and to prove his point that episode, he started over… didn’t throw it away just painted over everything he began painting. He called it a happy accident that he messed up and was able to redo the painting the way he wanted to do it. So we saw that Bob either is a perfectionist or just doesn’t give a damn 😂. I mean, it’s his show, if he wants to start over, dammit he’s gonna start over. And that’s that.
But it was cool, I learned a lot watching him which led me to painting the above last Sunday. Now, Bob works in oils and I work in acrylics but I was still able to use some of his methods, it was just a little harder because the pain dries so frikkin fast. So I discovered that I could get and use slow-dry medium for acrylics to do what I want to do with the paintings. Sooo I’m gonna give that a try a little later. This Sunday is all about Super Bowl and we’re supposed to be making themed artwork with that in mind. I have no idea what to do. I kinda wanna do something with the football field but have no ideas just yet…
I guess I need to actually sit still and do that.
And with that… I shall take my leave.
I’m thinking of making a logo for myself using this design…or do I really need to??
I think I like this better than anything I can put together. What say ye? I’m willing to take suggestions. Also, I’m trying to find a new layout for the blog. Nothing yet in that regard but I want it to look nice. We’ll see what I can come up with.
Until later loves,
Be good humans!❤
Bloggish 