Pumpkin lights hung lit up in a row on the awning of the porch with a warm glow. Inviting…enticing trick or treaters to her home. She’d been careful to cut nice happy nonthreatening faces into the pumpkin that sat nice and plump in the yard and lined the steps to her door. Everything was thought through this year. From the decorations that hung inside, her attire…right down to the candy she would give the children. She never shopped for candy. She always used the candy left over from previous years to place in the cauldron and there was always some to spare.
The neighborhood association decided early on in the summer that each house would line their walkways with luminaries. This was to help provide the incoming children with knowledge of which houses were giving out candy. Also to make sure they had adequate lighting for sure footing during the dark night. So far, every house had been lit up and decorated…far more than the Christmas before where only half the neighborhood partook in the holiday celebrations.
Pasha Kolov sat on her porch in her long black and purple dress, black velvet cape, and her witch’s hat atop her head awaiting the first of the children to come to her porch. Mishka, her black husky sat on the steps with his ears perked listening to the sounds of cars and people as they bustled through the streets. Posh, a tuxedo cat sat hunched in a loaf on the railing of the wide porch.
They were coming. The black light on the porch gave Pasha’s eyes and teeth a purple hue as she grinned at the first few goblins to grace her steps. Uninterested, Posh looked away toward the neighbor’s house to see Randall…an old golden retriever barking at the oncoming trick or treaters. She wished he would shut up.
“What have we here?” Pasha cackled in full witch aesthetic. “Tasty morsels coming for the sweets, eh?”
“Ye-ye-yes…Ms. Kolov,” young Thomas from two blocks over said staring the woman in the eye. “Are you…really a witch?” He sputtered out. His friends issued annoyed sighs behind him.
“No goofus…it’s just a costume! Move! Trick or treat Ms. Kolov!”
Pasha’s gaze stayed on Thomas. She read true to life fear in the boy’s eyes. She smiled and gave him two handfuls of her candy and winked. Her gaze then passed to the rude child.
“I’ll require one joke before you can have your treat.”
“A joke? Aww c’mon!” Phillip whined. “Nobody else has to do it.”
“Trick or treat…youngster,” she said maintaining her character. She poked a long black fingernail into Phillip’s chest.
“Treat!” Phillip said suddenly becoming uneasy as Mishka came over to sniff him.
“Joke. Just one or my dear Mishka will swallow you whole.”
“Al…alright. Gimme a second.”
While Phillip was thinking of his joke the other children stood quietly, not sure what to make of the woman in the witch’s costume. She was new to the neighborhood. She had arrived just after the New Year and no one had really seen much of her since she moved in. Phillip scratched his head then looked at the huge cauldron filled with candy that sat on the porch.
“I got one!”
“Fire away boy,” she said straightening her back while lacing her fingers together.
“Why don’t witches wear panties?” Phillip smiled, having remembered the joke his father told his uncle lunch earlier.
Pasha squinted her eyes with a supreme look of disgust, “Why?” She said unable to keep her displeasure from her tone.
“To get a better grip of their broomsticks.” Phillip laughed as his friends backed away slowly.
Pasha motioned for them to go to the cauldron to pick their candies while Phillip was lost in a laughing fit. The children chose their candies and stood off to the side. Pasha crossed her arms over her chest and waited for the boy to come to his senses. When Phillip was done laughing like his uncle had done earlier, he made his way over to the cauldron and was blocked by Mishka. A low guttural growl issued from the dog while Posh turned her attention towards him.
Phillip, stopped, his eyes traveling up the length of the tall woman standing before him. Then shifted his gaze to the dog and shook where he stood when he realized Mishka was slowly moving toward him.
“Ms. Kolov …he won’t bite will he.”
Pasha bent forward, “Oh my dear boy…he will.” She said with a smile. “All I need do is give the signal and he will tear you limb from – grubby – little – limb.”
“Pleeeease…it was just a joke. You wanted me to tell you a joke! Don’t let him eat me!” Phillip cried as pee trickled down his leg and pooled beneath him on the porch. He was indeed the worst creature from the black lagoon Pasha had ever seen.
Thomas stepped forward. He placed a hand on Pasha’s arm to get her attention. “Ms. Kolov…please. I wouldn’t be able to explain to his parents that a dog ate their son. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let that happen. Please. I know he’s a dumb kid that can be a jerk …but don’t let your dog eat him.”
Pasha looked down on Thomas. She rubbed the fluff of brown hair on his head then cackled, “Oh my dears…it is Halloween after all. Are you all good and sufficiently frightened?”
The children nodded and issued their quiet agreements in her direction. She told Mishka to sit and behave and the dog immediately went back to his spot on the porch, whining just a teeny tiny bit because he couldn’t bite the boy. A grump left him as he plopped down on the porch and lay down. Posh rose up and arched her back as Phillip moved toward her. Posh, not one to let the boy get away with upsetting her people, smacked the back of Phillip’s head with a hard swat then hissed. The boy ran down off the porch. All but one of his friends followed.
“What shall I do about the pee? I do so hate it when they pee.” She looked to the boy that remained on the porch. “Thomas…is there something you need, my dear?”
“No…I just…wanted to thank you for not letting your dog eat my friend.”
“Oh…I had no intention of letting Mishka eat your friend. You see, the bad seeds are almost always surrounded by good fruit. Your Phillip would have just upset his stomach I’m afraid.”
Thomas looked on Pasha with confusion.
“Yes, yes nothing for but the best for us.”
“Us?”
Mishka whined at the door to be let into the house and Posh jumped down off her perch to follow suit. After several seconds of silence, a loud noise could be heard coming from within the house. It shook Thomas to the core as he stood on the porch. A thin film of smoke could be seen in the house …like that of a fog machine going.
“I…I…have to go, my friends will be wondering…”
“Now, now…don’t worry about them. You have plenty of time to catch up…look at all the houses lit up on the street. You’ll have more than you can handle.”
“But…I’m not supposed to…”
“Yes …yes…talk to strangers. But now we are acquainted, you and I. We can laugh and talk and even sit down for a meal together. Would you like that? We’d enjoy your company at our dinner table.”
“Who is we? …Wait a minute…I never told you my name or my friend’s name.”
“I know all the children here, my dear. I know your parents as well. All is well. Don’t you worry your pretty little head.”
A commotion of music resounded from the house that unnerved the boy. He thought she was the only one that lived there. She and her pets. But there was music and laughter and a smell…a heavenly smell. Like fall pies, chocolate chip cookies, and ice cream…his favorite ice cream…mint chocolate chip!
“Are you having a party?” Thomas asked suddenly concerned with what was going on inside the house.
“Oh yes…and you are our honored guest. Go on in and have a looksey.” Pasha cackled. She watched as Thomas stepped inside and headed straight for the kitchen.
Pasha removed herself from the porch to get the garden hose to rinse the pee away. Then went inside. Eighteen-year-old Mishka sat in full human form in an armchair with his legs crossed on a small ottoman while twenty-three year old Posh rumbled about in the kitchen. Such a racket arose that it could be heard over the music on the street. The neighbors thought nothing of it and supposed it was just a wild party. The ruckus in the kitchen was Posh trying to keep the oven door shut. Keeping what was inside from getting out. Mishka turned up the music and set himself to dance around the home.
“Dance with me, mama…” He said as he bent at the waist in front of Pasha.
“Later my darling. We have trick or treaters.” She yelled toward the kitchen, “Use the latch dear!” Then she returned to the porch with a knapsack of candy…Thomas’ candy and dumped it all in her cauldron.
Shortly after another group of children came to the porch. Dressed as pumpkins, skeletons, and vampires. “Trick or treat, children?” Pasha smiled, bearing her purple teeth beneath the black light as the children came on to the porch for their goodies. The night was young and the children were many. It would be a good Halloween feast indeed.
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