I’ve been seeing different versions of the overexposed virus and uhh…I gotta say, not a fan. Not at all. I have never liked looking at germs or bacteria that have been superimposed ..let alone a whole frikkin viral shot of the thing that’s threatening to kill us all from a frikkin microscope image. It is truly something I can live without. The gumball seed pods that are all over my sister’s yard look exactly like the damn thing (Damn thing = Covid-19). And they are capable of bodily harm as well. You ever step on one of those ignorant things?? You either roll your ankle, test how strong your agility and core strength are or die on site. Those are the options…sometimes all three happen and you have no choice but to take it and watch as your soul gives you the finger as it ascends to heaven or cries on its way to hell…I just…I can live without it.
I woke up in a good mood today (despite the phone ringing at O Dark Damn Thirty in the morning). Limited amount of pain, reduced stiffness in my joints, and a nice store of energy. I’ve noticed that I don’t toss and turn as much since the addition of my mattress topper. For the last few nights, I’ve been sleeping on a cloud of medium comfort (not too soft or firm…just right, like I wish my life would be).
It’s been a weird day though…While I feel good, I went about thinking today was Tuesday and when I was corrected I actually argued. Forgetting about all of my Sunday activity (which was zilch on top of nada) and even providing proof of my thoughts just to prove myself wrong…(that shit happens on a daily as far as I’m concerned). I’m never right about anything, that’s just the way my life is set up. If I happen to find myself right – It’s because I got lucky or …am quoting a reliable source. (Ty is not a reliable source, even this statement is faulty). Smh…🙄 Quarantine 2020 has me all kinds of confused. Why this time should be different than any other time in my hermit lifestyle is beyond me.
Moving on, I would like to thank each and every one of you who have been reading the poems and liking to your heart’s content and thank you to those of you who have left comments. You rock! I’m slow about replying but I will get right on that when I’m done here.
Man…I knew something was up…*deep breath, exhale* *rubs temples* No no no no…
Me: Heeeeeeyy…long time, no see stranger.
Self: Dammit!
Me: Oh ho ho ho…you thought you were just gonna skate through life without ever hearing from me again, huh?
Self: Acutally…yeah I did.
Me: *shaking head in disgust, eyes pan up and down Me’s body* Shame on you and your cow…
Self: …but..I don’t-
Me: Hush!! You know what I don’t appreciate???
Self:…No, and you should really- (be careful about what you’re going to say, people are watching)
Me: I said Hush!! I don’t appreciate being lied to and then locked away in the dark hell of a prison you call a mind!
Self: …. I never li-
Me: YOU DID LIE! You said there would be cookies! And it would be like a vacation!
Self: I don’t know what happened or where you even were but I never lied to you or locked you away…that sounds like something Brain did all on her own.
Me: I talked to Brain and Brain said she got word from YOU, Ty, to lock me away.
Self: …
Me: Speechless, Yeah I thought so.
Self: Look…you know how Brain is. She’s unreliable. You putting your trust in something with a trap door made out of straw toothpicks instead of steel is all on you.
Me: Why did she do it then?
Self: We were having a conversation, right….and ummm I had said…I mean…I just happened to mention how awesome it would be if Me just took a break from talking so much when I’m trying to do stuff… you know like..THINK….and she just …assumed that I wanted that to happen in real time and you know how she gets, ideas come like a flood in the midwest and-
Me: That is soooo not what you just thought…
Self: It is to 👀
Me: No it’s not! You got Hands lying for you too! You just thought – ideas come like a lady of the night …
Self: That’s….so not what I thought…you misunderstood…I didn’t …I mean, I meant…..Why are you here?!
Me: To let these good people know that I am still a thing and I will be coming back and will be all over you like …Like…LIKE glitter on a stripper!
Self: …that’s …that’s the wholesome image we are projecting huh….glitter on a stripper…*facepalm* *shaking my head
Me: You know what else??? I actually enjoyed being away!
Self: Then. Why. Are. You. Here?
Me: Ohhhh there’s so much to unpack – First on the docket ….ummm…I don’t know if you realize this but every day you sit down to write, you throw away a million worthy ideas by not logging them somewhere and they are all really good ones…it’s wasteful! Stop It! Brain is working overtime trying to keep up with your thoughts all while calming the anxiety…just calm the hell down already…
Self: Dude…if I don’t kick some of that stuff out it just becomes a jumble of nonsense and then when I try to talk it makes no sense to anyone. Come on, I can’t keep it all.
Me: Fair enough….but if you wanna throw away million dollar ideas and good writing, be my guest…
Self: What?
Me: Huh?
Self: You said….you said million dollar ideas and good writing.
Me: Did I?
Self: Yes YOU DID! *gasps* You….You Believe in me! *covers mouth with hands*
Me: Wai-
Self: No no no no…You said they were million dollar ideas and good writing, YOU BELIEVE IN ME!
Me: So what if I do?? Why is that such a big deal?
Self: Me, you hate my guts….this…this is huge! Did you have therapy while you were gone??
Me: Maybe…
Self: *tears in eyes* *smiles big* Oh My God!
Me: Stop making such a big deal about it!
Self: But…you don’t understand ..you are always so critical of me ….this is a big step for you.
Me: *sigh* If you must gush …do so. I was just ….tired of doing all of that …You know it was a like a whole other level of self-hatred and nobody needs that in their lives. To embrace you and love you is to love me. So…I working on loving Self.
Self: *faints*
Me: …well….that went well…
Brain: I told you she’d love it.
Me: Did we kill her?
Brain: Nah…she good.
Me: Brain, did you really lock me up …was it really you?
Brain: *whistles for Hands* I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Me: Wait a minute! Did you just…are you lying to me using Hands to do it?!
Brain: Honey, I’m not lying to you – I’m being intriguing and mysterious. And Hands are like dogs, they do what I tell’em to do no questions asked.
Me: Huh…Hands are like dogs? …You control the Hands….the HANDS DO WHAT YOU SAY…then ….what the hell am I?
Brain: Ohhh sweetheart, you’re nowhere near ready for that conversation. Hands…help me wake Self up.
Hands: *SLAPS TWICE*
Self: OUCH! *rubs face* My lip!
Brain: That was for making me out to be dumb a bitch and not in control of all my faculties.
Self: But…
Brain: Hands…
Self: No no ..not again!
Me: Brain when did you get to be so…So…
Self: Abusive…*rubbing lip and jaw*
Brain: My darlings…I am much more than you both know. Now, are we done here? I have poems to kick out.
Me & Self: Yeah
Brain: Self -love is important love, Without it, Me would cease to exist. You understand now?
Me: Yeah…but don’t expect me to sing her lullabies or anything.
Self: Me, LOVES ME!
Brain: *nudges Me*
*Me hugs Self* – I love you.
*Brain whispers to Hands*
Hands: Be good, humans! ❤
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