Heart’s in a sensitive place today. Lost a friend this morning and I’ve been questioning the meaning of life and pondering how fragile it all is. I go through bouts of extreme sadness to laughing at the good memories… I don’t know, everything seems really frail right now.
Soo, in an effort to fend off the tears I’ve been doing some stuff. Watching TV or letting it watch me, staring out the window at nothing in particular until I finally decided to shift my focus and read. Funny how reading takes you away from your present reality and drops you right into the depths of your imagination.
I love it.
I used to devour books. Ones I thought were really good, I’d read in two days time. Now, I take my time to enjoy the story and the magic of imagination… just to enjoy living in those places for the time being and playing in someone else’s imagination for a little while can be a healing thing.
My tissues are close and so is the thing I’ve decided to insert myself into. I’m going to take my time with the reading of things. It’s a welcomed distraction and I need distraction.
My friend who had the greatest sense of humor ever, passed this morning. The last update I got was that there was trouble with his kidney and liver. Doctors honestly didn’t know what was wrong. He was supposed to go to St. Louis University Hospital so that specialists could care for him. He didn’t make it.
My day has been spent in prayer and some disbelief. My friends are leaving… I’m down to a handful and life is being unfair, but it never promised to be fair. I’m not going to lament on all the woes of life. Life is doing what it’s supposed to do. I just need to accept that.
I don’t feel bad. I’m at a loss., but not bad. I’m trying to wrap my head around stuff. Everything is just surreal right now. With each passing of friends I find that to be true.
*shrugs*
He was a good human. He stuck by his word, his family, and his friends. I miss his jokes already. We’d be on Facebook and it seemed like every week or so he’d ask this question…”What are y’all mad about today?” And I’d laugh because, yeah if it’s not one thing it’s another with us people of Earth. Things piss us off quite often. When do we ever say… What are y’all happy about? What gives you peace or fulfilment in life? How are you?
We focus too much on the negative and not enough on the positive. Like, that’s no great epiphany. It’s true. I’m a person that does this. I’ll get a bunch of positive comments on things I write and share in groups and then that one negative one… for some reason will undo me. Why is that?
He wasn’t like that. He’d just ignore or say to hell with the negativity and keep it moving. But me… who likes to overthink everything would let it draw me to a halt.
Can’t blame that on life – that’s just me.
I have nothing profound to say really. It’s hot outside. We’re in a heat advisory until Thursday. My brain is scramble eggs. I’m gonna go back and do some more reading. The escape is doing me some good.
Hey, if no one told you today… that definitely doesn’t go with that other thing that you tried to make fit. And, just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean you have to either. Also, if you’re gonna go out on a Monday night, looking like you looking… take pictures. We love to see it.
Btw: You look awesome in shorts, never mind what they say about your legs… F*ck’em.
See y’all later…
Be good or even exceptional humans! ❤
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