Out of Sight, Out of Mind
(This is not my art. I was inspired to write this story by looking at this image. Full props and credit go to the artist, @u/lnnuDoggy89…. found on Reddit. Tried to post the embed but it kept disappearing.)
Ego is the worst enemy of peace and will cause you to war with others as well as yourself. It is the war within that does the most damage. Sometimes the darkest parts of ourselves speak up at the most inopportune times. And while we try desperately to hush that voice that superimposes our self-worth, self-importance, and self-identity we often find ourselves… powerless to fight it.
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Hank stood in the mirror staring at his reflection while reciting the affirmations his therapist suggested he try. He looked his face over and rubbed the scruff on his chin and then stared directly into his own eyes and spoke his words.
“Today you are in charge of your present. Today you are in charge of your actions. Today you are in charge of your destiny. Today you are in charge of you!”
He straightened up his posture, took a deep breath while looking himself over, and then flashed his brightest smile. Before he left the mirror he thought about the task that awaited him today at the office. His presentation in front of the big wigs of Peele & Key Solutions placed in him some trepidation about its reception. He rocked his head on his shoulders, loosening the stiffness in his neck, and met his gaze in the mirror.
“You got this buck-o.” He gave an eye wink and that million dollar smile.
His reflection winked back and smiled even bigger.
The smile left his lips quickly. His heart began to race in his chest at the sight and flutter uncontrollably. He opened the mirror to reveal the medicine cabinet within and removed his bottle of pills. He shook two into his hand, threw them to the back of his throat, then bent down filling his hand with running water to slurp from.
“Not now, not now. Not NOW!” He repeated over and over. “Can’t do this now. Not today. You’re fine. Everything is alright. You’re seeing things.”
In the back of his mind, he could hear the voice speaking, you haven’t forgotten about me, have you? It told him to let him out for just a little while ending with, you know you want to.
The last part caused him to waver. He sank to his knees in the bathroom and rested his head on the porcelain vanity, feeling the coolness on his heat flushed skin. Things were so much easier when Eddie took over. He didn’t have to fight or remember whatever it was that Eddie did when he was in control. He managed to solve all their problems and make him look like a hero in most cases. But the reason he couldn’t let him have what he wanted was because the last time Eddie was out, he harmed some people and one even came up missing. A woman he’d been seeing… disappeared without a trace and Eddie was the last to see her and had become rather tight lipped as to what happened to her.
He could no longer trust Eddie. For all the good he’d done – he’d also made a mess of things. Appearances are everything in this world, he thought and Eddie made him look crazy, unstable, and a fool. He had been refusing Eddie for the past three months, the approximate amount of time Sharon had been missing. He could feel him pulling on his mind and did his best to remain in control. Dr. Danvers had prescribed him something to keep him in control but the work was really something he had to do within. The meds only kept him quiet, his strength is what kept him at bay. And that strength had a weak link in the chain.
Her name was Emily. She was both his saving grace and his Achilles heel and Eddie knew this. Sharon disappeared three months prior and Hank and Emily had been engaged for three months. The deal he had with Eddie was for him to never contact, see, or speak of Emily.
For the most part, he did as he was told…but last month Emily began receiving anonymous gifts from someone. Nothing harmful, flowers, cards, candies, and little trinkets but it was the love notes that upset him. No one Emily knew would dare do such a thing because they knew she was engaged but there was something odd about the notes this person left. He signed them, ‘future suitor’. It was too much on his mind and even heavier on his heart to think that someone was trying to steal his girl away.
But like everything else in his life, he either ignored it or pushed it down to where it couldn’t bother him. Out of sight, out of mind was the motto for his entire existence. So he would push it down and ignore it. It was just a voice, nothing more.
He rose to his feet with his head down and splash water on his face. This act usually sent Eddie packing but today was different, today he was stronger than his rudimentary means of exorcizing his inner demons. Today he was strong and refused to be ignored. Even the meds were taking forever to work. He walked on shaky legs to his bedroom and sat on the bed with a face now dripping in sweat.
He could hear him loud and clear now.
“I’m coming out and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Hank closed his eyes, attempted to swallow the lump forming in his throat, and whispered his affirmations…
“….today you are in charge of your present…today you are in charge of your actions….today you are in charge of your destiny…today you are in charge of you…”
The more he repeated them the louder he became even taking up the space of his thoughts nearly drowning out Eddie’s voice.
“Today you are in charge of your present. Today you are in charge of your actions. Today you are in charge of your destiny. Today you are in charge of you.”
The last time he spoke it with boldness, strength, and power behind his words…
“TODAY YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR PRESENT. TODAY YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR ACTIONS. TODAY YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR DESTINY. TODAY YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOU!”
After shouting his affirmations to the air with his balled fists, he stood still and silent…listening for any signs of Eddie. All was quiet until he heard the whisper of his threats and could see the imagery of his words in his mind’s eye.
“Emily will be my next victim. I’ll string her innards along the fences of 5th and Jackson like Christmas garland and hang her organs like ornaments. It was me who sent the letters…me who will win her over… and me who owns you.”
“NO!” Hank shouted.
“You think I can’t do it. You think you’re in control? Let me ask you, who was born to this body…me or you? Who grows tired of keeping up appearances? Who placed you in a position of power? Who shows up when you have no desire for this life? Who has the power to end your entire existence?”
“NO! NO! NO! I’ll end us both. Right here, right now. If I cease to exist so will you!”
“That’s where you’re wrong. If you strike this body down, I will only grow more powerful when I rise up in your flesh. I dare you!”
“This is my body! You can’t trick me! I am the body and you are the illness! I’ll cut you out like the disease you are!”
“Do it! Go on, do it then!”
Hank walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror to see Eddie staring back at him. Disheveled, grotesque, and abominable. His pupils were as black as coal and as wide as a shark who had caught the scent of blood. His shirt was opened baring his hairy chest with a tattoo of a guillotine on the right pectoral. And his skin rippled with muscle he didn’t have before, bulging through his clothing from head to toe. He opened the medicine cabinet and removed his pills then swallowed half the bottle. In his mind, he could hear Eddie’s laughter taking up the entire space of his thoughts. He walked to his desk and slumped down in the chair. He took out a piece of paper and with a pen began to write a letter to Emily while he still had the stamina and clarity to do so.
“Dearest Em-
Forgive me, love. Forgive me, my heart, but I couldn’t bear to keep living like this…”
Pain struck his belly and a lightheadedness overtook him, he fought through it to complete his missive.
“I fear that to continue on this way would do nothing but bring you harm and that is not a pain or punishment I wish in this life or the next. It seems I am a slave to my own demons. This is the only way I know to slay the beast.”
Hank double over, sweat soaked. His vision went in and out of focus as he wrote and a trembling beset his hands. The laughter grew ever louder in his head.
“I know you’ll be well taken care of without me here. Please understand. All of this was done to keep you safe. I only want to keep you safe.
Your Hank Always.”
He folded the letter and left it on the desk before removing himself to lumber off toward the kitchen. He fumbled in the drawers for a butcher’s knife but found that he could not hold it steady in his hand. It tumbled out of his grip onto the floor. He fell to the floor beside it. Unable to pick himself up, he scooted and opened the bottom door of the cabinets where he stored the cleaning fluids. He didn’t know if he could force himself to swallow the bitter liquid and reached, again, for the knife that had fallen to the floor.
On the far wall, a gruesome scene played out in shape and shadow. A hulking form rose to his feet slumped over and misshapen. He screamed out the word “NO” and it seemed to echo through the openness of the apartment. Hank raised his right hand while the devil that was Eddie brought his left hand up to stop him. Seeing his reaction gave Hank hope that the words he’d spoken about slaying them both earlier were true. Feeling Eddie’s fear of the act he was trying to commit drove him to carry out his plan.
The shadow on the wall wrestled with itself, struggling to take control one way or the other. Eddie hissed and spat his venom for the last time at Hank, telling him that he would see him in hell. Hank took control and plunged the blade deep into his gut, retracted it then did it again and again and again until he fell to his knees.
There was no more laughter only screams of agony and pain and fury of having lost the battle in an odd war of wills. Hank’s body fell over on its side and curled up in a bloody crescent on the kitchen floor. Knocks and shouts could be heard from the hallway as tenants of the building rushed to aid the man who seemed to be under assault on the other side of the door.
Eyes open, Hank lifted the blade and wiped it clean on his pant leg. He held it up to look at his reflection. He could see Eddie laying still with his eyes closed. Hank smiled as the room grew dark and enveloped him in death’s sweet embrace.
In the hospital, Emily paced the hallway outside of the room where Hank lay. She was told he was in critical condition and that they had done all they could. And that whether the man survived depended on his will to live. Emily cried as she paced, clenching the letter she found in Hank’s apartment on the desk. By that letter, she knew Hank never intended to survive and to expect the worst. She sat down in a chair outside of the room in the hallway and cried quietly.
From inside the room, Hank lay in the bed staring at the ceiling, laughter on his lips. First, it was faint but with the realization that he’d won, the laughter grew and grew until it was boisterous and could be heard in the hallway.
Emily rose to look through the window and saw Hank laughing, and something that should have perhaps, made her feel better about his situation gave her chills. As Hank’s laughter ceased, he gave a broad smile much too big for his face and… winked at her.
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