The curse of invisibility

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

Something most don’t know about me is my secret identity as… the invisible woman.

I used to think it was an awesome ability when I was younger… to be able to disappear in a room full of people… into thin air while wearing a hoodie and jeans. That was the uniform of my years in high school. Every once in a while…I’d break protocol and actually dress up.

But a practioner of the art of disappearing must stay true to form. Today, it’s sweats, tshirt, and a hoodie I really don’t need because it’s actually warm outside. Like 78 degrees.

I’m no magician or Jesus… buuuuut… I can turn water into Kool-aid and a frown upside down. (Laugh, you know you want to)

Seriously though… this ability or power, if you will, seems to happen at the most inopportune times. When I want to be invisible, I am seen and when I want to be seen, I am invisible.

Perfect example… right now I sit in my psychiatrist’s waiting room… and I’d really rather not be noticed or clocked …. but the people here see me. I am visible and apparently giving off an energy that says I want to be talked to. Because why wouldn’t you want to talk, you’re about to anyway with a man who will be scribbling notes and making suggestions.

Sigh…so much sigh…

It’s not bad… I just would rather not engage today. And that is one of the reasons I am here. My pity party and pessimistic persistence must be purged. (Say that 5x fast)

Slipping through a crowd full of people unnoticed comes in handy. Like after robbing a bank or taking the last cookie from the jar or perhaps, evading the cops after committing the crime of the century and leading them on a wild goose chase through several counties and three states. Or stealing the moon!

It would be epic. Gru would be proud.

But alas, there’s nothing spectacular about me, I think. Nothing that makes me stand out, that is, until I open my mouth to speak on something I’m asked. Otherwise, I rarely volunteer opinion or speak when not spoken to.

Sometimes, like today, I don’t like the sound of my voice. Today I have a sore throat and I sound like I’ve been gargling gravel and rusty nails. Feels that way too. I would just rather not be seen or heard.

Being under the weather also covers moods… not just illnesses.

But on the days I’m feeling myself… new hairdo, fly ass outfit, awesome kicks, and mood on 10,000%… honey… you’re gonna know I exist AND… I’ll bring all of my personality to the table. WE are going to shine. I’ll bring you up with me but if you’re fighting to remain low in the pits of despair gloom and doom. I’ll let you remain under your rain cloud. How ironic…

Seems mean but on days like that you protect your peace… now, if my friends were in a place that they really needed my help… they’d get it. I’m not cruel. I love my peeps. I will always try but there’s a difference between someone being in a bad mood and someone needing help.

Today, I am in a mood… not a bad one but it could be better. If you’d have caught me a few months back… I’d say I needed help. I have a tendency to hide my true feelings to make those around me happy. It’s always been like that… and no it’s not a good thing.

I have to take a break to be seen by the good doctor… soooo I’ll come back after.

Later on this day…

That was enlightening and kinda funny. My psychiatrist brought me up outta the dumps. Perception is everything I guess.

Sometimes when I don’t want to be seen, having someone say they see me or behave in a manner around me that acknowledges my existence… makes me feel good. Is everyone like this?

We talked about all the things that have been right or positive and about the way life has been performing. But I was also told that feeling the way I do is acceptable and okay. I’m not bringing harm to myself or others. Sometimes we gotta feel that stuff, own it and understand it to get through it. Which I already knew.

Life has been a series of failures as of late but I roll with the punches. And sometimes punch back. That’s called getting your lick back. If life were a person, we’d be scrapping right now. Not sure I’d win but I wouldn’t go down without a fight.

This all started off so strange… Did I even answer the question? Lol …actually I did… amongst the nonsense…. but let’s see

What’s something no one knows about me?

Aside of owning the hoodie of invisibility and the coffee mug of solace… hmmm… here’s something…

Gizmo is my very critical, very silent editor who lives in my yarn bowl and is guarded by Rhaenyra and Corlys. And he’s always right. Always.

Bombastic side eye

Also… my daughter calls me a nerd because I like nerdy stuff and know things. I excel at Bible trivia, things of mystery, the arts, and English.

Things of mystery… sorry that’s classified. 😐 😆

I hope everyone is having a good day. If the weather permits, get out and enjoy it. If not, hey, it’s spooky season… indulge in some Halloween stuff. Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends…. one of these is better than the other. Just saying.

If that’s not your thing… might I suggest a comedy called Strays. It’s wildly inappropriate and vulgar but funny.

Alright, see you soon

Be good humans! ❤️

💋